Oh F*ck, I’m Facing Redundancy

giphy

Redundant.

adjective. Meaning not or no longer needed or useful; superfluous.

It’s something many people are facing right now.

And I’m one of them.

I only just found out this week that my company is making me redundant. With redundancy comes ‘consultation’ where you fight your corner after getting scored against your peers at work. It’s a stressful, and mentally challenging thing to go through.

If you suffer anxiety, it’s worse.

Because you have to fight against the critical opinions of those on the other side of the redundancy Zoom call, and then fight the critical voices in your own head, too.

“See?” they say, “this is what you were thinking, that you’ve failed. And here’s the proof!”

I’m not going to lie – I have got really pissed off and worried over the last few days. Getting emotional at times like these is to be expected. You shouldn’t push it away.

It’s difficult to deal with, but it did force me to make a pact with myself. That I’m not going to let this take my confidence. I’m good at what I do, and I’ll fight my corner. I’ll move on, and keep checking in with myself – letting myself know that this was not my fault.

And in the end, I’ll find something better.

Our anxieties make things difficult, but they also challenge us to think our way through things. They can make us consider all options and (for me) be creative people. But they can also overwhelm us, like feedback from a speaker that just gets worse until your ears bleed.

I’ve been fighting self-critical thoughts for much of my life, but at times like these, the stakes are high… so I need to fight, to not let those thoughts win. So, I’ll be spending some quality time over the next couple of weeks sorting out the shit thoughts, from the ones that hold me up.

This is just a speed bump for me, and if you’re going through redundancy right now, it’s just a speed bump for you, too.

I promise we’ll get through, and we’ll know ourselves better because of it.

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